A father is called to set the culture and principles of the family. We, with the support of our wives, can be empowered and systematically grow the culture of our families. Our children, growing up in this environment, will have a greater chance of becoming individuals with strong confidence and character.

The first 12 years of a child’s life is the most important time to impart knowledge, values, security and confidence to the child. Being a father, trainer and family life educator, I saw that children are like “sponges”. They absorb nearly everything they see, hear and feel!

This is the reason why we as parents need to be thoroughly involved in our children’s lives. No one can replace the role of a father and mother in the child’s life. In the 1^st twelve years, a child’s entire world rests on his parents. How a father leads his wife and family will have a great and permanent impact on his children’s life.

Boundaries need to be set in the household and children need to adhere to it. For example, I believe that during dinnertime, it should be a time of fellowship and quality time with family members. So I will enforce that the television be switched off. Also mobile devices are not allowed. So if my children use an iPhone or watches TV that time, he is crossing boundaries and discipline will be enforced. And the boundaries need to be clear and discipline needs to be consistent.

Discipline needs to be carried out in a spirit of love, not punishment. Every day, we need to communicate love to our children. In this environment of love, our children will feel very secure, loved and strong in their spirits. When discipline needs to be enforced, the children will know that daddy does it out of love for them.

I believe as we are clear about our values and convictions, love our wives and be of ONE mind with them, love our children and set CLEAR boundaries for them, our children will be obedient and submit to our leadership as fathers.

There is only ONE way of leadership, that is ROLE MODELLING.

Aaron Graham Tay, Certified Family Life Educator

How do we practically lead our families as fathers?

From my experience, it really takes a conviction of our own principles and values as an individual. Even though leadership textbooks state that there are different “styles” of leadership, but I believe there is only ONE style of leadership – ROLE MODELLING.

As men, we can first clarify of own values deep in our heart. These values, eg. humility, integrity, honesty, prioritizing family relationships, etc, needs to be EVIDENCED by our LIFESTYLE. Just lay our calendar in front of us. How much time, energy and resources are used to develop these values in our lives? When we begin to align our lives with our values, that is when we have power in conviction in our leadership, be it leading ourselves, our families, our companies.

Next will be our relationship with our wives. Do we as married couples have ONE mind in these matters of values, principles and convictions? As 2 different individuals who grew up in different environments, my wife and I have very different perspectives on the same matter. How we spend our money, our time and how we relate to friends and family are all so different! For example, my wife believes in having a few close friends and spending quality time with them. As for me previously, I love to hang out with many people and I regard them as all my friends. Every weekend, I will bring my wife to different social gatherings to build “relationships” with different friends. In the end, my wife felt that it does not coincide with her values and she feels tired and meaningless hanging out with so many friends. I was offended and felt that she does not understand my values. So how do we resolve it?

Eventually we settled the issue and become of ONE mind in this one matter. But there were so many of such differing values and opinions that we have to take TIME & ENERGY to resolve issues. The end result was that we became of ONE mind in our MARRIAGE. This sets the CULTURE of our family before our children were born.

We are still pursing this track of being one mind as husband and wife. And I believe as men, husbands, and fathers, this is the only true example of leadership we can show to our wives, children and families.

Aaron Graham Tay, Certified Family Life Educator

Fatherhood is the highest calling which is a man can respond to. When I was willing to accept the full responsibility of being a father, my entire heart started to change. No longer was I thinking about myself, my career ambitions, the size of my bank account, my car, my toys and gadgets, etc. These things, which I so favored in the past, gradually lost its luster over time.

I started to care about very different things.

1. How do I want my child to grow up?
2. What values do I want to impart to them?
3. How do I impart these values and practices into their hearts and lives?
4. What culture do I want to build for my family?
5. How am I role modeling for my children?

After 2 years into fatherhood, I realized that fatherhood is so fulfilling, yet it is a daunting task. We cannot do it alone. We need a band of brothers, fathers who truly care about their families to gather and support one another. A man can father a child by making his wife pregnant who will give birth to a child. But to FATHER a growing child in its truest sense is a totally different endeavor.

A father is called to lead his family, together with his wife. It is not about male chauvinism. Every father in himself cannot effectively bring up his family and children. We men need our wives. And the best gift a father can give to his child is not an education, but the security that daddy and mummy love each other.

However, a father is RESPONSIBLE for how his family and children turn out. He must not be absent; he must not shrink from his responsibilities, he MUST lead and show his children how to live with character and principles in this time and age.

Aaron Graham Tay, Certified Family Life Educator