How do we practically lead our families as fathers?
From my experience, it really takes a conviction of our own principles and values as an individual. Even though leadership textbooks state that there are different “styles” of leadership, but I believe there is only ONE style of leadership – ROLE MODELLING.
As men, we can first clarify of own values deep in our heart. These values, eg. humility, integrity, honesty, prioritizing family relationships, etc, needs to be EVIDENCED by our LIFESTYLE. Just lay our calendar in front of us. How much time, energy and resources are used to develop these values in our lives? When we begin to align our lives with our values, that is when we have power in conviction in our leadership, be it leading ourselves, our families, our companies.
Next will be our relationship with our wives. Do we as married couples have ONE mind in these matters of values, principles and convictions? As 2 different individuals who grew up in different environments, my wife and I have very different perspectives on the same matter. How we spend our money, our time and how we relate to friends and family are all so different! For example, my wife believes in having a few close friends and spending quality time with them. As for me previously, I love to hang out with many people and I regard them as all my friends. Every weekend, I will bring my wife to different social gatherings to build “relationships” with different friends. In the end, my wife felt that it does not coincide with her values and she feels tired and meaningless hanging out with so many friends. I was offended and felt that she does not understand my values. So how do we resolve it?
Eventually we settled the issue and become of ONE mind in this one matter. But there were so many of such differing values and opinions that we have to take TIME & ENERGY to resolve issues. The end result was that we became of ONE mind in our MARRIAGE. This sets the CULTURE of our family before our children were born.
We are still pursing this track of being one mind as husband and wife. And I believe as men, husbands, and fathers, this is the only true example of leadership we can show to our wives, children and families.
Father as Leader II
How do we practically lead our families as fathers?
From my experience, it really takes a conviction of our own principles and values as an individual. Even though leadership textbooks state that there are different “styles” of leadership, but I believe there is only ONE style of leadership – ROLE MODELLING.
As men, we can first clarify of own values deep in our heart. These values, eg. humility, integrity, honesty, prioritizing family relationships, etc, needs to be EVIDENCED by our LIFESTYLE. Just lay our calendar in front of us. How much time, energy and resources are used to develop these values in our lives? When we begin to align our lives with our values, that is when we have power in conviction in our leadership, be it leading ourselves, our families, our companies.
Next will be our relationship with our wives. Do we as married couples have ONE mind in these matters of values, principles and convictions? As 2 different individuals who grew up in different environments, my wife and I have very different perspectives on the same matter. How we spend our money, our time and how we relate to friends and family are all so different! For example, my wife believes in having a few close friends and spending quality time with them. As for me previously, I love to hang out with many people and I regard them as all my friends. Every weekend, I will bring my wife to different social gatherings to build “relationships” with different friends. In the end, my wife felt that it does not coincide with her values and she feels tired and meaningless hanging out with so many friends. I was offended and felt that she does not understand my values. So how do we resolve it?
Eventually we settled the issue and become of ONE mind in this one matter. But there were so many of such differing values and opinions that we have to take TIME & ENERGY to resolve issues. The end result was that we became of ONE mind in our MARRIAGE. This sets the CULTURE of our family before our children were born.
We are still pursing this track of being one mind as husband and wife. And I believe as men, husbands, and fathers, this is the only true example of leadership we can show to our wives, children and families.
Aaron Graham Tay, Certified Family Life Educator
Aaron Graham Tay
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